Merry Christmas Moron
by cheesylamp
Summary: After discovering what Christmas is, Chell is determined to celebrate it with GLaDOS. Little did she know, someone has come back from space. HumanGLaDOS and HumanWheatley.


**[A/N] HumanGLaDOS and HumanWheatley. Questions will most likely be explained in the authors notes on the bottom.**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own any portal games or characters used in this fic.

"Merry Christmas!" Chell shouted as she walked into GLaDOS' chamber, with a big smile plastered on her face. She had just found out about this wonderful holiday, and she was going to celebrate no matter what. It had been 4 years since she was let go, and still visited GLaDOS on a regular basis. At first, because Chell was not used to the surface world, and she needed comforting, but now just out of habit.

The first time Chell showed up at aperture's doorstep after she'd been let go, GLaDOS was surprised. Didn't she want to leave, to have freedom? It was almost as if Chell was mocking her. After a few visits from her though, they actually warmed up to each other quite a bit.

"Merry human holiday in which people use as an excuse to get free things or become highly intoxicated."

Chell just laughed. "So, how was your day?"

"How was my day? Chell, of all things you could ask me, you ask how was my day?"

"Well I figured you had something to tell me, you can't keep still" That was true. She _was_ rocking back and forth without even noticing. She immediately stopped once she knew she was doing it.

"No I don't," She started, but was interrupted by a voice coming from near the doorway.

"GLaDOS! Hey what's going on over there, luv?"

"Is that..?" Chell started. GLaDOS sighed deeply. How could he be here? Was she just imagining it?

Wheatley sprinted into her chamber, only to stop abruptly upon seeing Chell. "Um, allo. I, uh, I um…"

You could almost feel the tension in the room, as Wheatley struggled to get words out.

"Wheatley, if you can't even speak why did you come here." GLaDOS snapped.

"I'm really, really sorry that I just sorta, sorta left you in the dust like that," Wheatley said, completely ignoring GLaDOS "and I was being really dumb, and I was really mean, I was, and I don't care if you accept my apology or, or not, because I really don't deserve it, and, um.." Wheatley said, stuttering and trying to get his words out all at once.

Chell's look of shock quickly turned to sheer excitement as she ran towards him. GLaDOS, already knowing what she was doing, she awaited the look on that moron's face when he thought she was going to destroy him.

"WHEATLEY!" Chell screamed as loud as she could, and hugged said person. As GLaDOS had anticipated, Wheatley was both surprised that she could even talk, and that she so suddenly had grabbed him. Chell squeezed him in a tight hug, but he didn't know what a hug even was, so he started to shout at GLaDOS for help. Honestly, it was probably the funniest thing she had ever seen.

"She is giving you a hug, _moron_, something humans do when they're expressing happiness or gratitude. In short, you're _fine_." At this, Chell realized what she was doing and let go, turning to GLaDOS.

"Why is he here?"

"He sort of… fell, about a week ago."

"Fell?"

"Something that happens when gravity pulls something to the ground?"

"No, no, I meant, _how_ did he fall?"

"You don't think _I _did this, do you? I had just simply not thrown him into the incinerator yet, because i'd figured you'd be excited."

"Yeah! She was so, so nice to me and she said she had a surprise for me, but I didn't know it'd be you! I'm so excited, I didn't know that i'd ever get to see you again, I missed you! I felt bad because, you know, I thought you.. you hated me. But anyway, why didn't you ever talk then? I didn't think you could even talk! That could've been a lot easier for us, you know, if you'd had, had talked a lot more, or at all, to be honest. I thought your voice would be lower, I didn't think it'd be that, that high pitched, y'know? Not, not that i'm making fun of you, luv! I think your voice is.. is very lovely." Wheatley said, talking so fast that you could barely make out what he was saying.

"Thanks Wheatley." was all Chell said. "NOW! We've got a holiday to celebrate, don't we GLaDOS!"

"Yes, I can't wait until you give me an inanimate object that is of no use to me. Woo hoo." She said, just now noticing the little box in the former test subject's hands. Being used to these kind of remarks, she just shrugged it off and set the box down, waiting for her to open it.

Being too lazy to get up and grab it, GLaDOS got her maintenance arm, and carefully removed the ribbon and wrapping paper. It was clear that Chell took a very long time to make this nice for her. Once she saw what was in the box, she nearly gasped.

"Do you.. do you like it?"

GLaDOS wasn't saying anything, but she took the gift and closely inspected it. It was very interesting, and she couldn't look away. Only after Chell cleared her throat, she realized she'd been staring at it for a very long time.

"I.. I really like it. Thank you."

"See? It's a rose. I figured you'd like some sort of plant, and there happened to be a white rose among all the colorful ones and I picked that one because I figured that it matched your faceplate, so I guess it'd look nice."

"Where's.. Where's my present?" Wheatley cut in. They had both forgotten that he was there, and Chell instantly felt bad.

"Come on, idiot, she didn't even know you'd be here, why would she give you something? She probably still resents you."

"Wheatley, don't worry, she's just messing with you, I forgive you." Chell said after noticing he looked pretty sad and upset at that idea. "Here, um…" She felt around her pockets for something she could give him. "I'm sorry Wheatley, I really wish I knew you were going to be here."

"S'okay, I shouldn't have expected anything, really." He turned around a quietly muttered 'moron' over and over to himself.

"Chell, I have a present for you, too, if you could just waddle over here and accept it."

"AH! CHELL!" Wheatley shouted, as if he had discovered the most important thing in the world. "That's, that's you name, right, luv?" She nodded. "Great! I never got to, to know your name before, but Chell, I'll remember that."

"If you could stop interrupting me so often, maybe I could just get this over with and give her the cake." At the mention of the word, Chell's head perked up so fast, and she looked like a baby bird anxiously awaiting food from it's mother. She bolted over to GLaDOS and just stared, waiting for the rare sweet treat of GLaDOS' infamous cake, which was better than anything in the world.

"Alright, here, try not to gain any more weight than you already have." She said, while pulling a cake through a now opened hole in the panels. As Chell inspected it closely, It looked almost exactly like a companion cube, and was perfectly proportioned. Chell looked up at GLaDOS, like an excited child.

"OH MY GOD GLaDOS!" was all she could get out, but it came out very loudly. The panels on the ground shifted, opening a hole that plates and forks appeared out of, from GLaDOS.

"Hey um, how about, about I go and get some hot chocolate? Yeah, i'll go and do that." Wheatley announced after everyone had gotten all settled.

"Hey."

Wheatley turned around and looked at GLaDOS.

"Merry Christmas, moron."

**[AUTHORS NOTE]**

**OK****, so some of you may be confused. Before I start a big explanation, my inspiration was mostly from my profile picture, actually. First off, i'll start explaining the whole human Wheatley and GLaDOS thing. I'm not quite sure how some of the things work, but I'm thinking that there was an implant in or on GLaDOS that gave her control over the facility which was connected to a computer she controlled and therefore immobility unless she wanted to be detached which I would figure would be uncomfortable for her. ****M****aybe that was transferred onto Wheatley when he gained control of the facility. ****That could be a life support for her or give her much of the power she required. Maybe she was artificially created to control the facility, but was meant to be a human? ****I don't really have much a back story to be honest, since this is most likely going to be a one shot. And for Wheatley? Maybe he was artificially created along with all the other cores. GLaDOS (in this story) doesn't consider herself like the rest of humanity and considers herself truly a robot because that's all she essentially is, considering all the things that help make her _her._ So when she says 'human' like a whole different race, she doesn't even consider herself to be one. Now to explain Chell. I personally believe she was captured into aperture when she was around the age of 7 or 8 maybe, because of some clues in the game. (The massive potato in Portal 2 saying 'By Chell' at the bottom from bring your daughter to work day) and she has the ****physique of someone from (probably) 22 to 27 in both games, so i'm just going to say she's around 24. (Yes I know an infinite amount of time could have passed between portal and portal 2 but i'll just mark her at around that age.) I think that since she probably hasn't talked in a VERY long time, her voice is a bit high pitched when she actually uses it. Then for being more friendly than expected, I think that she was overwhelmed and that aperture was the only thing she knew for a VERY long time, so she seeks comfort in it. And she _did_ have 4 years to get used to GLaDOS when she came back. And considering she was just slapped in the face with the harshness of the actual world out there, Aperture seemed quite nice and welcoming. Now, after that extremely long A/N, a review would be appreciated, and hope you enjoyed!**


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